This is by far one of the most challenging posts I will ever write, but it’s also been the most therapeutic and freeing one as well. I hope that whoever does read this, it can do the same for you.
Break-ups suck. Especially the nasty ones. No one ever wants their heart to be broken. No one ever wants to feel betrayed, not good enough, angry, spiteful, alone. But we all go through it. It’s a right of passage.
However most of us get to move on, get to heal. They get to have time and space to move forward. Unfortunately my road to healing took a bit longer then most, and well, after almost 4 years, there is still some more to do. Let me give you a quick synopsis to give you a better idea.
At 21-years-old I became pregnant by my on-again off-again 29-year-old boyfriend. It was volatile from the start, but being young and in love will make you do silly things. It wasn’t even a question if I would keep the baby, but thus began a long and turbulent road to emotional freedom and stability.
Cut to my child being one year old and I finally vowed I wouldn’t go back. As much as I wanted a loving family unit, like I had grown up in, I wasn’t going to be lied to or cheated on again. More so, I wasn’t going to allow my daughter to see a mother that allowed herself to be treated this way.
Time passed and I began to heal.
Then after 8 months or so alone and working on what really mattered– I had a job, was stable, happy, and met my now fiance. Now even though I had moved on, still having to deal with my ex on a regular basis was a difficult dynamic, and a challenge every day. However he decided to move across the country with his girlfriend when my daughter was roughly 3 and so with his distance, and my happiness ever multiplying, the universe aligned for the first time and I was grateful.
Life was good. Then a slight wrench was thrown in when I learned of their engagement. Not only that, but my daughter was to be the flower girl. The thought of having to see him marry this woman, whom I have a sore history with, just did not seem like a good time to me. It actually struck me to my core and I cried for a few days. It was a lot to handle and a lot of emotions to work through.
Now while I would have loved to tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine and make it impossible for my daughter to be in the wedding, while also wishing for a lightning storm and for the day to be ruined. I got a grip. I took a step back and realized, this wasn’t about me. Not anymore. The fact was, my daughter deserved to love her Dad and to be a part of his life. So my [patient and loving] fiance and I drove 4.5 hours to get this girl in a flower dress.
Was it awkward, yes. Was is hard, absolutely. But did I smile and bend over backwards for the whole weekend… yes. And here’s why…
As a mom, the number one thing I want for my child is happiness and love. What kind of mother would I be if I denied her that? As much as I hate to admit it, this woman that her father was marrying, knew my child since she was a baby. Her and her parents love my child. Why would I stop that flow of love? Does it get hard? Hell yes it does. Especially when I had to pick her up from the wedding, greeted by the bride, groom and all grandparents. To have to look at the people I felt most betrayed by, force a smile and then take my child home was one of the hardest moments to date. But I got through it. I lived. And guess what? My daughter looked at me and her face lit up as she ran into my arms telling me how much fun she had.
So my point is this. In the end, you have to wipe your past fears and emotions away and focus on what’s important in the present moment.
As a mom, it isn’t about you. As a person, it isn’t about you. It’s about spreading love wherever possible and being a beacon of good.
I’m not a saint by any means and I definitely have my moments. But at the end of the day, my family is happy, healthy, and has an abundance of love surrounding us.
You have the power to choose how the things in life will affect you. It may be easier to go the route of wishing rain, but when you pray for sunshine only good can come to you.